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I only have vague memories about the first time I had sex.(I was 15, and it was the intermission of my camp’s production of A Midsummer Night’s Dream; I was Helena, he was Lysander, and that’s all you need to know.) I do, however, have a very clear memory of the first time I had cybersex. His AIM handle was Frank Zappy, and I believe he claimed to be a married man from Queens.This veil of anonymity let an entire generation of young women like myself experience their sexual initiations in AIM chatrooms.For the first few weeks or so, my relationship with Frank Zappy skirted the lines of PG-13 respectability.
Would you go on a date with someone you met through a cybersex chat room? High Joy melds a dating database, a proprietary chat client and teledildonics to form what the founders call "the complete High Joy experience." It launched a few weeks ago, and because its offices are in Southern California, I was able to stop by for a demo. Lynn Borne, the director of marketing, asked me to hold the Doc Johnson i Vibe Rabbit while he walked me through the chat client and the online control panel for the toy.The typical affair used to start in the office and move to a seedy motel room, but the vast reach of the Internet has brought infidelity into many couples’ homes over the past decade.The growth in steamy chat room conversations and cybersex also has triggered a rethinking of the meaning of infidelity.“With the Internet, we’re moving away from just physical ideas about infidelity and acknowledging emotional infidelity.” While there is no universally accepted definition, an Internet affair frequently involves intimate chat sessions and sexually stimulating conversation or cybersex, which may include filming mutual masturbation with a Web camera.Several studies suggest that even when there is no in-person contact, online affairs can be just as devastating as the real-world variety, triggering feelings of insecurity, anger and jealousy.
Women usually feel more threatened by the emotional betrayal of a partner’s online affair, while men are more concerned about physical encounters, Hertlein says, but the gender differences are lessening.